HERE are writers who con- temn the idea of etiquette in affairs of the heart. Yet it is precisely where the feelings are most likely to be engaged on one side, if not on both, that some recognized forms must be observed to protect either side

from misconception, or what may seem like unpardonable intrusion on the part of the other. The etiquette of the occasion does not dictate the love letter, nor provide the form of expression in which the young gentleman whose heart is engaged, and whose affection is returned, shall utter the manliest feelings of an honest heart; that may be, and must be, left to the impulse of the moment, with every man who is worthy of a partner; and the fact that his sentences may not be well rounded, that his voice

may express emotion as he pours into the ear of the loved one the story that has been told so often, and so truly, in millions of lives, from before the time when Adam and his bride left Paradise after their misadventure with the serpent, will not detract from his success as a wooer.

Etiquette determines procedure in early days which precede an engagement, and regulates the terms on which the expectant lover may approach the lady, upon whose hand and heart he may subsequently formulate designs; but it does not presume to teach him how to love; that mystery is one of the out-pourings from the deepest founts of nature, beyond all aid from mere conventionalities, however well founded they may be in mutual convenience.

Etiquette prescribes the manner in which the engaged couple shall carry themselves in the presence of others, so that their affections may not make them ridiculous; and no reader will question the desirability of such provision. It resolves also the line of conduct which should be observed by others who may be brought in contact with engaged people, and that function is perfectly legitimate, without passing beyond “the modesty of nature.”

When Engaged,

If the parties reside in the same locality, the circumstance of the engagement being known and approved, the lady

should be waited upon in her home by some members of the family of the gentleman, but the cause of the call need not be spoken of, and the visit will be to the family of which the lady is a member, not to the young lady herself, expressly, although she will be its object. The families may continue their calls without contracting intimate relations, but the first call must be returned with reasonable promptitude; and there is no reason why the civility should not grow into warm, friendly intercourse between the two circles which may become so nearly related.

Under other conditions, when the engaged parties reside in distant cities, the engagement being duly announced and approved, there should be letters expressive of the feelings of the family of the gentleman toward the lady and her family, and to such communications prompt answers in the same cordial spirit are due. Following upon such pleasant formalities, the gentleman, who has obtained a preliminary acceptance, may offer some present, proportioned to his means and indicative of his feelings. Fashion changes in the matter of presents, and may well be consulted by its votaries, but it is almost an invariable custom in polite society to offer a ring or some article of jewelry graceful and costly, which may be worn and treasured by the young lady. If a ring constitutes the present, it will be worn on the appropriate finger of the left hand, and both parties to the semi-contract may wear that sign of the understanding arrived at, the gentleman's ring being a present from the lady, or a duplicate of his present to her, by the same maker. Other such elegant interchanges of presents, from the gentleman first, followed by returns of her own handiwork from the lady when convenient, signalize the anniversaries of birthdays, and the several holiday seasons, not omitting the day on which lovers are specially privileged to address their fiancés, the feast of St. Valentine.

Engagements are sometimes broken with good cause, and painful as the severance must be, it is better for both sides that any circumstance certain to militate against happiness in marriage, should be acted upon before that point is reached. The steps necessary in such a case, whether taken by the lady or the gentleman, ought to be well weighed, and so addressed as to mitigate the suffering of the other side as much as possible. When it is evident that there is no avoidance of the rupture possible, a letter kindly, but firmly, conceived ought to accompany the return of all presents and souvenirs, letters and tokens of engagement; to which the other side, even though conscious of a wrong, will respond in like manner, and the engagement must end; unless the person with whom the breach originated finds himself, or herself, in the wrong, and takes the necessary course to restore amicable relations.

states, some of which require licenses from county or circuit courts in the city where the marriage is to be solemnized. The bridegroom must procure that document, and he should be attended by a near relative of the lady, qualified to make an affidavit that she can lawfully contract the marriage authorized by the license. Wedding invitations have formed the subject for our artist graver [sic] on pages 254 to 259 inclusive, and we invite attention to the models.

Wedding Presents

must be sent to the bride even though your supreme wish may be to do honor to he bridegroom. That gentleman will use his best judgment in selecting for the bride the handsomest present of jewelry permitted by his means.

Presents, except that in the hands of the bridegroom, should be sent to the house where the ceremony is to be performed, during the preceding week where they should make a very handsome display, more for the sake of the friendly feelings manifested by the givers, than because of their intrinsic value. A young couple in India was ruined by a present of a white elephant which compelled them to live beyond their means. Those who wish to show their regard for the bride should ascertain the form of elegant souvenir likely to be most in keeping with her circumstances and take action accordingly.

Bridesmaids and Groomsmen.

When the wedding is strictly private bridesmaids and groomsmen are not required, but when the full ceremonial of the church is observed they are considered necessary to the occasion. There may be any even number of bridesmaids, from two to eight, with groomsmen to match; in the selection the sisters of the bride take first place, and the sisters of the bridegroom may be called on to assist, the cousins and friends of the bride completing the number. They should be younger than the bride, and wear dresses like her own, not more costly, although they may show more ornamentation, the principal decoration being flowers, and the dresses of a light, graceful fabric.

The bride will wear but few ornaments, gifts from the bridegroom, and from her parents. The dress itself will be conspicuously plain, but distinguished as a bridal costume by the garland and veil.

The duties of the bridesmaids are to assist in dressing the bride, receiving the company, and otherwise as occasion may arise. In the church they will stand on the left of the bride, the chief of the suite holding the bouquet and gloves of the bride.

The suite of the bridegroom, or groomsmen, receive the clergyman, and present him to the bridegroom, standing to the right of the bridegroom during the ceremony of marriage.

The busiest man among the groomsmen is the “best man,” or first friend of the young benedict. It is his duty to make all disbursements, being made treasurer by the bridegroom; to present the white bouquet to the bride, to escort friends desirous to congratulate the young couple, to pay the charges incident to the day, and dispatch all business. The bridegroom presents bouquets to the bridesmaids, and pays attention to his young wife. When, as sometimes happens, the whole of the wedding party escort the young couple to the railroad station, to see them off on their tour,  the “best man”

assumes all business responsibility, as to tickets, seats and baggage, concluding his services by sending notices to the press.

The Marriage.

The ceremony may be performed at any hour, and almost in any place in this country, to suit the convenience of the parties; whether they prefer the church or their homes. Marriage by a magistrate is lawful, but there is a strong feeling in favor of the clergyman officiating. When his services are required, a carriage must be sent by the bridegroom or “best man,” to bring the minister and his family to the place appointed. Carriages for themselves and their daughter are provided by the parents of the bride, the bridegroom being limited to provision for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, the latter of whom sometimes provide their own.

When the wedding is solemnized in church, the front seats near the altar are usually separated from the remainder by a white ribbon, being thus reserved for the the families and relatives of the young couple. Ushers designated by a white rose, and chosen by the friends of the families being united, wait on arrivals and appoint them to seats. The ushers in a body receive the bridal party at the vestibule of the church and attend them up the main aisle until they reach the altar rails, when they yield precedence, separating right and left, and taking their places to the rear.

The bride must be waited upon; no one may keep her waiting. Upon her arrival the clergyman must be near the altar and before the time of her coming the bridegroom and his retinue should be in the vestry, so that no delay should dull the brightness of the occasion. The bridesmaids may accompany her to church, in carriages following hers, or they may await her coming, and receive her in the vestibule, where the party will form, the “best man” giving escort to the chief bridesmaid, and the others similarly companioned following in order, with the bridegroom sustaining the mother of the bride, and the father of the bride coming last of all, his daughter leaning on his arm.

Arrived at the altar, the bride will take her place as we have represented in the engraving to the left of the bridegroom; the father, whose duty it is to give away the bride, stands behind the young couple, but slightly in advance of the others, the mother just behind him. In the rear of the young couple the bridesmaids and groomsmen are grouped, the former to the left, the latter to the right of their respective principals. When a ring is used, the chief bridesmaid removes the glove from the hand of the bride. The responses of the bride and groom should be clear and distinct, but not too loud.

When the wedding takes place at the house of the bride, the room should be apportioned, part to the company and part to the bridal party, which can thus be grouped in order before the curtain is drawn aside; but when such an arrangement cannot be made, the entrance of the bridal party will be in the order observed at church. The parents of the bride will be the first to speak to her after the ceremony, then the father and mother of the bridegroom, then the assembled friends in their order. The bridegroom gives his arm to the bride, moving toward the vestry, followed by his friends. In the vestry he will raise the veil and kiss the bride,  some few of the more intimate

friends of the bride following that example. As the party move slowly down the church arm in arm, the “Wedding March” should be played on the organ, and when the bridal party is seated, and the carriages drive off, the church bells should ring a joyous peal for two souls made happy.

Reception.

Brief receptions of an hour are customary in the house which the bride is about to leave, and intimate friends avail themselves of the privilege to congratulate the bridegroom, and express their desire for the future happiness of the young wife. Those who are acquainted only with the bridegroom will first address him, and he will introduce them to his bride; those who are not known to the bridegroom will address the bride first; as also will those who are acquainted with both parties. Those who are not acquainted with either, if privileged to be present may be introduced by the “best man,” who officiates as factotum and master of ceremonies.

The young wife does not change her dress until she retires from the breakfast or supper provided in honor of the wedding, to assume her traveling costume. Her place is beside her husband on the right, at the center of the table, her father being at the top and her mother at the bottom of the table doing the honors. Refreshment having been taken, the cake cut, everyone assisted, the health of the bride and bridegroom given and duly honored with suitable acknowledgments, with all the compliments and good wishes that kindness can suggest, the bride, with her friends, retires to make ready for the journey, and soon afterward the young husband and wife start on their tour.

The Wedding Tour.

The objective point of the young tourists had of course been arranged before the wedding, and they are off on their journey, with every stopping place engaged beforehand, according to the ascertained wish of the bride. There should be no unnecessary haste, as there is time enough before the travelers to permit them to select their route and pursue it at their leisure, certain to find comfortable rooms awaiting them with requisite attendance at every stage. There should be no display in the traveling costume of the young wife; a plain neat dress is all that is demanded. There is no company sought or needed beyond their own small party of one, they twain being made one, and having no time to consider “which one.” The tour will be brought to an end at the time arranged for, as “At Home” cards, or “Reception” announcements have justified their friends in anticipating their return to partake in the pleasures of that occasion, before the day and hour named.

Calling on the Newly Married Couple.

None should call on the young couple unless they have received a wedding card intimating that their presence would be welcome. The mother or sister of the bride or some intimate friend must assist at the reception.

Be punctual on the days named for seeing company, not calling before nor after the hours appointed, and on the first day if possible.

Wedding cake and wine, or other appropriate refreshments will be handed to each guest, who will partake at his or her discretion, and express desires for the happiness of the new household, which will of course be acknowledged with courtesy. Bridal calls must be returned within one week.

Miscellaneous.

When circumstances call for any societary attention to the bride and bridegroom, their friends, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, must be included, and etiquette permits the bridal party on such occasions to wear the dresses that graced the wedding.

Deep mourning should not be worn at a wedding; even the widowed mother of the bride or bridegroom will lay it aside for the day and wear grey silk or some such tint.

The styles of dress to be worn, except as to the wreath and veil of the bride, are not matters of etiquette, but details in which fashion is supreme. The bridal dress will of course be pure white unless the bride is a widow, in which case it may be white, silver grey, or some light tint, and very often widows dispense with the distinctive adornments of the young bride the veil and orange wreath. There is no law in the matter except that modesty and good taste shall rule. The mother of the bride should be visited by her friends during the two weeks following the wedding, the call partaking of condolence on the departure —not the loss—of her daughter, and congratulations on her establishment.

Settlements.

Settlements are absolutely necessary in the interest of both the husband and of the wife, and friends are only prudent and considerate when they insist. The young lady should understand this and leave that point in the hands of her parents. The intended husband should state his circumstances in perfect candor, without ostentation, or suppression, and concur in any reasonable proposition for the security of his intended wife, should misfortune overtake him. He will carry himself as a gentleman, neither worshiping wealth nor contemning it, but seeing in money the means by which the happiness of his family may be in part assured.

The private fortune of the young body, if she has one, should be settled upon her; and if she has not, other provision should be made. The fund so put aside is an assurance that while it is respected, the pinch of absolute want cannot fall upon the wife of his bosom, and the children who call him father. The wife should also have control of an income, secured in such a manner as to make her in that respect independent in the detail of dress, and however limited the means of the husband, some provision of the kind should be a sine qua non on his part, to guarantee the self-respect of his partner.