INNER-HOUR has been pronounced by Dr. Johnson1 to be, in civilized life, the most important hour of the twenty-four. A young man or a young woman unaccustomed to the settled observances of such

occasions can hardly pass through a more severe ordeal than a formal dinner. A knowledge of the principle points of the ettiquette of the dinner table may be acquired from a careful study of the different books treating on this subject. Mere book reading without study of men and manners, in actual life, would not give you the ease and elegance that marks the finished lady or gentleman in every relation of social existence; but books are the expressed essence and condensed philo-

sophy of innumerable intellects, rendered into the form that will meet the wants of inquirers, and from such volumes you may learn how to apply the knowledge that others have gained from experience.

It should be borne in mind that it is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding wherever they may be, in the privacy of their own homes, or at more friendly or less formal dinner parties. A neglect of such observances and an ignorance of dinner etiquette will be very mortifying, and render one stiff and awkward in society; one's manners at the table will indicate, as nothing else can, the good breeding of a gentleman or lady. Beau Brummell² broke off an engagement because of a trivial impropriety at dinner.

That supreme dandy is not our ideal of manhood, but he serves to point a moral.

The reader should guard against relying wholly upon this or any other book on etiquette, but keep eyes and ears open, and wits about him. “Wait and see what others do, and follow the prevailing mode.” Complete self-possession, habits of

observation, a fair share of practical common sense, and a most careful study of the published rules of table etiquette, will carry one safely, if not pleasantly, through it.

Invitations.

Invitations to a dinner party are usually issued several days before the appointed time. The length of time is always proportionate to the grandeur of the occasion, and varies from two days to two weeks. The forms used in giving invitations, also in acceptances and regrets, are fully given in the chapters on “Notes of Invitation,” “Acceptances and Regrets.” The success of dinner parties must largely depend on the tact of the hostess and the good fortune of the host in securing eligible guests. The presence of a lion does not put the matter beyond the reach of failure; the celebrity is not always an agreeable person, and often times must be surrounded with specially qualified satellites, as some dishes require garnish, to make them presentable. For such reasons, and many more, it is desirable that the guest should be sought, not because his name is blazoned, but on account of acceptable qualities, that win a welcome. The number of guests should not be too large; from six to twelve form the best number, being neither too large nor too small. As there is among certain people a superstition about the number of thirteen, the hostess should respect it, even though it may appear very foolish and absurd.

The Dress.

The person accepting an invitation to a dinner party must attend in “full dress.” In this “age of progress” there is less attention given to dress, and a little more latitude alowed in most circles of fashionable society. A gentleman's “full dress,” when strictly interpreted, leaves him but little choice. It consists of a black dress coat, black vest (white, in warm weather) and black trousers; white necktie, patent leather boots and white kid gloves. The light shades of kid and black necktie are not now considered au fait. Jewelry of a more showy description than that worn earlier in the day is permissible. The expensiveness of apparel is not of so much importance as that it shall be fresh and clean. Newness and extravagance in costume, are among the most unmistakable marks of the parvenu. The dress of lady, or gentlemen, will never engross attention; grace and intellect supply the charm.

Fashion allows the lady greater scope to exercise her taste in the selection of materials and choice of colors, although a distinction must be made between the elaborate full dinner dress of a large party, and that of dressing for an ordinary dinner, where a large party is present. A dinner dress should be as elaborate as for a ball, and must be of the best quality. It should be of silk, and of the latest make, with an ample train. Jewelry of the greatest value, diamonds, emeralds, rubies, etc., may be worn, though it is in bad taste to wear too much jewelry at any time. The hair should be carefully dressed, and may be richly adorned. An opera-cloak, fan, and white and perfectly-fitting kid gloves must not be forgotten. For an ordinary dinner, a demi-toilet is all that is necessary; the dress of a rich material, the hair carefully dressed, but not elaborately adorned; jewelry, moderate in quantity and in keeping with the effect of the costume, white and perfectly-fitting gloves must be worn. An acceptance to dinner on Sunday does not require the guest to appear in full dress; the ladies appearing in high dresses or demi-toilet; gentlemen, in walking dresses[sic].

Punctuality.

Punctuality is said to be the soul of business. It is the soul of pleasure also. Be punctual in your attendance at dinner. You should arrive from ten to fifteen minutes before the dinner hour; this interval will give time for introductions and greetings, and for the assignment of escorts to the table. If you arrive too early, the hostess might not be ready to receive. To delay beyond the hour appointed is unpardonable rudeness. The dinner cannot be served until the guests have arrived. If it is spoiled through your tardiness, you justly incur the indignation not only of the host, but of every one of his guests. A dinner, however, never should be delayed for one guest; it would be a rudeness to the guests who were considerate enough to be punctual.

Reception of Guests.

The lady who gives a dinner party should be very punctual. She should be in the drawing-room some few minutes before her guests are expected, that she may glance around and see that everything is arranged as she would wish—chairs and sofas placed where they can be easily used, etc.  The

gentlemen and daughters of the house should be present. The guests at a dinner party assemble in the drawing-room, which should be well warmed, and have plenty of light, well distributed. When a guest is announced the lady of the house should advance a little way to receive her guest. The chairs should be arranged so as not to create any confusion on their entrance; and the welcome should be smiling and cordial, not stiff and formal. Should a guest be late, or the cook unpunctual, the lady must not show any outward signs of annoyance or impatience, but endeavor to make the guests forget it, by pleasing and amusing conversation.

At formal dinners, on arrival, a gentleman is handed a tray with cards, among which he finds one containing his own name, with that of the lady he is to escort to dinner. Or another method, is to enclose the card containing the two names in an envelope bearing his address. Sometimes the tray is left upon the hall table, and from it each gentleman takes the card addressed to him, or it may be handed to him by a servant as he is ready to enter the drawing-room. The gentleman after greeting the hostess, seeks the lady whose escort he is to be, if she is an acquaintance; if not, he asks the host to introduce him to her. Guests should also request to be introduced to any members of the family with whom they are not acquainted, and to the guest in whose honor the dinner is given.

Arrangement of Guests at the Table.

It is one of the first and most difficult things properly to arrange the guests and place them in such a manner that the conversation may always be general during the entertainment. Avoid as much as possible seating next to one another two persons of the same profession, as if would necessarily result in an interesting discussion between themselves, and mar the general conversation, and consequently the cheedulness of the occasion. If the number of gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, care should be taken to intermingle them. Separate husbands from their wives, and remove near relatives as far from one another as possible, because being always together they ought not to converse among themselves in a general party. Gentlemen must be assiduous, but not officious, in their attention to the ladies, saving them from all trouble in procuring whatever they are in want of  at the table,  and seeing that they

lack nothing. If a clergyman be present he is invited by the host to say grace; if not, the gentleman of the house does so. Each guest should treat, such an observance with respect; courtesy to your host requires it, if veneration fails to suggest it.

Duties of Host and Hostess.

Every dinner ought to be as good as possible, and as taste costs no money and little time, there is no reason why the most modest meal should not be neatly spread, and served with the ceremonies which apply to the more formal occasions, so far as they are applicable, and add to the charm of the occasion. The plainest room may be made beautiful by taste, and the homeliest fare appetising by neatness and skill. There is nothing more distressing to a dinner party than to see a hostess ill at ease, or to detect an interchange of nervous glances between her and the servants. A host and hostess seem insensibly to control the feelings of all the guests, it matters not how many there may be. In well-appointed houses not a word is spoken at dinner between hostess and attendants. What necessity where the servants are in the daily practice of their duties?

The duties of the host and hostess are much lightened by the present fashion of giving dinner parties à la Russe; this is far preferable to the old mode of having the joints, etc., on the table; but it supposes that you have a sufficient number of waiters, as otherwise it would be impossible and ridiculous. On each plate a bill of fare is placed so that the guests may see what will be handed around, and be prepared to select, or wait for, whatever dishes they prefer. Soup is then handed, sherry is offered after it. Fish follows soup. Then the made dishes are handed, duplicates of each being handed simultaneously on each side of the table, after these follow the pièces de résistance— turkey, lamb, mutton, etc. Then follow game, puddings, tarts, jellies, etc.

At formal dinners they have little to do except to make themselves agreeable. All the training of servants must done beforehand, and any blunders or mistakes must passed in silence, and all trace of anxiety be banished, if possible. The hostess needs self-possession and tact, so that she may place all guests at ease and anticipate every want. The combination of the French and Russian mode of serving dinners is to be preferred if the dinner party is small. Soup is put opposite to the lady of the house; if there are two soups a tureen will be at

each end, and be succeeded by two kinds of fish. It may be that the soup is before the lady, and the fish at the same time placed before the gentleman. The servant holds the plate close to the tureen, and one ladle full is sent to each person. The gent1eman on her right generally saves her the trouble of helping it. The soup and fish are succeeded by the meat and chickens, or turkey. The mutton or lamb is put before the gentleman; the chicken or turkey before the lady, who is assisted in carving by the gentleman beside her, but before either of these dishes are uncovered the servants hand the side dishes which are not now put on the table.

The second course follows—the game is put before the gentleman; the lady has the pudding; jelly, blanc-mange, etc., are at the sides; cheese follows the second course, afterward the dessert.

Ice is handed round first, the separate dishes of fruit, etc., after which the servants leave the room. The wine is passed round the table, and the gentlemen help the ladies to it, as well as to any more fruit which they may require.

For family dinners never attempt too much. The dinner should be, and appear to be, an every-day affair. Such a dinner will tax more closely the attention and hospitality of the host and hostess.

Soup and fish are placed upon the table and sent to each person. It is rude and inhospitable to ask a guest whether he will take soup or fish; he will probably take both, and it limits him to one by the question.

The same mode is pursued with the end dishes; they are helped and handed after the side dishes have been sent round. Vegetables and sauces are handed as quickly as possible by the servant. Wine is offered by the servants after soup or fish and during dinner. The host, if a graceful carver, should exercise that useful accomplishment, and the dinner will seem more hospitable and homelike for it. In carving one should stand up. The carver should serve meats as cut so as not to fill the platter with hacked fragments. It may be taken for granted, in serving a fowl, that every one will take a piece of the breast; the wings and breast should be placed crisp side uppermost, the stuffing not scattered, and the brown side or edge of the slice should be kept from contact with vegetables or gravy, so that its delicacy may be preserved.

Kindly and courteous attention is expected at all times

from the host and hostess, but more especially in the privacy of domestic life.

Proceeding to Dinner.

The dinner prepared and the guests arrived, properly introduced to escorts, and the side of the table—whether to the right or left of the host or hostess—assigned so that there may be no unseemly confusion in the dining-room, the servant quietly announces dinner by a bow to the host, who is on the alert for the signal, and at once offers his arm to and leads the way with the oldest lady, or the lady in whose honor the dinner is given, the hostess following last with the most honored gentleman. The younger guests will allow the older ones to precede them. The host places the lady whom he escorts on his right, the others finding their places without confusion, and all remain standing until the hostess is seated, when each lady seats herself in the chair provided by her escort, and the gentlemen follow their example immediately. The lady always sits at the right of her escort. The seats of the host and hostess should be at opposite ends of the table. The waiters begin to pass the dishes at the right of the host, ending with the lady of the house, and with the one on the right of the hostess, ending with the host At the table, as well as at all other places, the lady takes precedence to the gentlemen.

Duties of the Guest.

Guests as soon as seated remove gloves, place the napkin partly opened across the lap, with gloves under it. Each guest is served with soup, and eats or makes a pretense of eating it; he must never take a second supply of soup or fish. After soup the guest may refuse or partake of whatever is ofered. If a plate is set before a guest that he does not want, he does not touch it.

A gentleman must attend to the wants of the lady he has escorted to the dinner table before he attends to his own.

Of the contents of the dishes carried round by the servants, the guest should never help himself to more than his share.

A gentleman in assisting a lady to any article of food should avoid overloading her plate. Pour sauce on the side of the plate.

Guests do not now wait until all are served before they begin eating.

One should acquaint themselves with the contents of a dish before accepting it. If you do not know what it is, ask; better do this than, having tasted it, send it away, as if it were not your fancy.

A guest should not select any particular part of a dish unless requested to do so, but when asked some part should be named. Never compel the host to choose as well as carve.

Table Manners.

In taking your place at the table try to take an easy position. Sit firmly in your chair, neither too close nor too far away from the table, without lolling, leaning back, drumming or any other uncouth action.

Unfold your napkin and lay it in your lap. Eat soup with your spoon, holding a piece of bread in your left hand; cut your food with your knife, but use your fork to convey it to your mouth.

Break your bread, do not bite it. Drink from your cup, not from the saucer; if your tea or coffee is too hot wait until it cools. Eggs should be eaten from the shell (clipping off a little of the larger end) with or without an egg cup; the egg cup is to hold the shell, not its contents. When you send your plate away from the table remove the knife and fork and allow them to rest upon a piece of bread. When you have finished the course lay your knife and fork on your plate parallel to each other, the handles toward the right hand. Eat moderately and slowly. Do not seem to be in haste to commence eating, as if you were half staved, neither is it necessary to wait until all have been served before you commence. Remember that bread is the only comestible which the custom of well-bred people permits to be laid off your plate upon the table-cloth. It is perfectly proper for you to “take time last piece” if you want it; the presumption is that there is more in reserve. The table is the place of all others where pleasant words and social chit-chat should be introduced, avoiding heated arguments or the consideration of abstruse principles.

The Arrangement of the Table.

The table linen should be clean and snow white, and fresh from the laundry, the cutlery polished, the china clean and without blemish.

It is customary to place the castor³ , fruit plates, etc., in the center of the table, a vase or stand of flowers at intervals down it; care should be taken that these are not so pretentious as to prevent those dining from having an unobstructed view of their neighbor opposite. Each guest should be provided with the following:—

On the right of space left for plate place three knives (one a fish-knife) and a spoon. On the left, three forks (that for sweets smaller than the others). On the right at least four glasses in number, as it is a great breach of etiquette, as well as sign of vulgarity, to drink more than one kind of wine out of a glass, hence one glass should be allotted to each sort of wine, and the number equal the number of different kinds of wine at dinner. Each guest will be provided with a table-napkin, which will occupy the place reserved for the plate.

Dining-room chairs should be of equal height, and the table should be firm and solid; cane seat chairs are not fit for dining-room use; they play havoc with laces and fine fabrics. The temperature, ventilation, and light of the dining-room should be attended to with care. Guard against having the dining-room too hot, or too cold.

General Rules Regarding Dinners.

The dinner itself will be governed largely by the season and taste of the host.

The first course is soup. All must accept it, even if they let it remain untouched; soup should be eaten from the side, not the point, of the spoon, and there should be no noise when sipping. On no account should it be called for a second time. Fish follows soup, and must be eaten with a fork unless fish knives are provided. The sauce should be put upon the side of the plate. Fish may be declined, but must not be called for twice.

A dinner, however humble in its pretensions, should never consist of less than three courses; namely, soup or fish, a joint, which may be accompanied with poultry, or game, or pastry; followed as a matter of course by cheese with salad.

“Where the dinner is small, it is sufficient to provide port, sherry, claret, or a Rhenish wine; if desired, a bottle of champagne may be added.”

“For dessert each guest must be provided with a silver spoon and fork, a plate with a small folded napkin on it, and three glasses for port, sherry and claret.  Finger glasses

containing rose water may be placed on each guest's left hands though the present mode is for the perfumed water to be taken around in a deep silver dish, each person in turn dipping the corner of his napkin into it and wetting the fingers and lips.”

“Every host should see that his attendants are fully instructed in their duties, and each should attend to these only. Also see that they are instructed in the right pronunciation of the names of wines. The servant hands everything at the guest's left hand.”

“The entrees follow fish; they are served in covered side-dishes; only one should be tasted, or at the most more than two of these. They consist of sweet breads, patés, cutlets, and made dishes generally.”

“The roast meats follow. You must not begin to eat meat until you have all the accessories, the vegetables, gravy, etc.”

Eat peas, jelly, pastry, and all sorts of thick sauces with your fork. Use your dessert spoon in eating curries. Various of the softer made dishes, puddings, ices, and custards are eaten with a spoon. Asparagus may be eaten with knife and fork. Corn may be eaten from the cob; you need not feel obliged to cut off the kernels with a knife.

Tea and coffee accompanied by a few wafers, or plate of very light biscuits, are dispensed in the drawing-room; they should be handed around by servants. One cup of tea or coffee only should be taken. A little music will give relief to the conversation.

At a gentleman's party where the hostess is absent it is the host alone who may call upon any of the company for a toast, speech, or song; it would be a breach of etiquette for guests to invite each other.

The English habit of gentlemen remaining after the ladies have retired, to indulge in wine, conversation, etc, has never been popular in this country.

After retiring to the drawing-room the guests should intermingle in a social manner, and the time until the hour of taking leave may be spent either in conversation, or in various entertaining games, or dancing. It is expected that guests will remain two or three hours after dinner.

During the week following a dinner party, it is etiquette for each guest to call upon the hostess, and it is rude to delay the call more than a fortnight.

Wine at Dinner.

At small dinner parties, or ordinary family dinners, all wines are put upon the table, and each guest must help the lady next to him and himself, and then pass the decanter. At the best or large dinner parties wine must be brought and handed around by the servants; the taste for light wines, which is now prevalent, makes a variety indispensable. There must be provided sauterne and sherry for fish and soup; with the joints the choice of hock, chablis and one or two kinds of claret; with game, burgundy may be given, and there should be port on the table for the few who choose to take it at this time. Then the “ladies' wines,” as they are sometimes called, still or sparkling champagne and moselle. For dessert, provide port, sherry, madeira and claret. Port accompanies cheese.

“Hock, champagne, moselle and chablis, and some few other wines are brought to table in bottle, the choice varieties of claret in the baskets in which they are imported; port, sherry and madeira are decantered; ordinary clarets and burgundy wines are handed round in claret jugs, either of glass or silver.”

Breach of Table Etiquette.

Never eat soup out of the end of the spoon, but always from the side. Eat without noise and with lips closed.

Never tilt the plate when eating soup, nor send for a second supply.

Never hold a wineglass by the bowl, but by the stem.

Never drink a glass full of wine at a time, nor drain the last drop.

Never propose a toast, nor drink another's health; this old time practice is out of fashion.

Never drink from a glass without first wiping the mouth with a napkin, and also after drinking.

Never speak of sherry or port as sherry wine or port wine.

Never take out one kind of wine at dessert.

Never allow two kinds of animal food or two kinds of pastry to be eaten from the same plate.

Never have more than two vegetables with a course, and offer both at once on the same waiter[sic].

Never offer a guest fresh pork nor veal at dinner; they are not dinner dishes.

Never cut or break bread into soup or gravy; it should be eaten by morsels, broken with the fingers, not bitten off.

Never mix the food on the plate. Such an act indicates a coarse appetite, and a want of a nice appreciation of flavor.

Never eat game or chickens with the bones held in the fingers.

Never cut pastry with a knife, but always break and eat with a fork.

Never put salt upon the table-cloth, but always upon the side of the plate.

Never convey food to the mouth with a knife.

Never help yourself to butter or any other food from a common dish with your own knife or fork; it is excessively ill-bred to do so.

Never pick the teeth at the table or in the presence of ladies after a meal.

Never over supply a table.

Never overload a plate.

Never flood food with gravies, which are disliked by many.

Never play with the food or crumble the bread.

Never handle the silver or glasses unnecessarily.

Never indulge in anything like greediness or indecision, such as taking up one piece and then rejecting it in favor of another.

Never ask for a second dish, but when passed a second time one may take of it if he wishes.

Never lean the elbows or lay the hands or arms on the table, play with knives and forks or glasses, or lounge in or tilt back your chair, or take a lounging attitude.

Never take any notice of accidents.

Never pare fruit for a lady unless she requests it, and then hold it on her, not your, fork.

Never dip bread into gravy or preserves.

Never apologize to a waiter for asking him for anything. It is his duty to serve.

Never use the napkin to wipe the nose or face. It is for the lips only.

Never monopolize conversation, or talk or laugh loud.

Never talk when the mouth is full of food.

1. Samuel Johnson, LL.D. (1709-1784), subject of James Boswell's great biography and author of the first significant dictionary of the English language. Hester Piozzi's Anecdotes of the Late Samuel Johnson quotes him thus: “A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of any thing than he does of his dinner; and if he cannot get that well dressed, he should be suspected of inaccuracy in other things.”

2. George Bryan (“Beau”) Brummel (1778-1840) was considered the “prince of dandies” during the English Regency period (1811-1820). He was patronized by the then-Prince of Wales, the future George IV.

3. Castor: a stand containing 3-5 bottles or shakers of condiments such as oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. See illustration.

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