Yes, the days of a student-run band at UVa will soon be over, to be replaced with a real marching band! The New Order of Virginia Athletics is based on the sole rule of a just and fair professional. Student control has proven too weak to compete at the highest level of minor league football.  Now we have a leader who will right the wrongs of the past, without the nuisance of student governance.  Right now we are mopping up the last of the student resistance (seen to the right), to leave the University a homogenous and happy society.

Although UVa once had a scramble band, the athletic department found the attempts at humor and general tomfoolery of the Virginia Pep Band to be far too risqué.  Making big money in NCAA football requires complete homogeny between schools! UVa’s “traditions,” “academics,” and “student self-governance” were standing in the way of football greatness! No more! A new band will soon grace the field of Scott Stadium (artist’s rendition shown to the left).

Nothing can stop the transformation that has begun! Already the Athletic Department has defied a resolution by the UVa Student Council to allow the return of the Pep Band. “Student Self-Governace” is nothing more than a buzzword; athletics dollars will hereafter take precedence.  But, fear not that the student’s well-being will be overlooked in this sudden change.  Creeping State-U-ism puts the students in the center of University life. Already the Director has appointed band officers and section leaders from those students he has found worthy; this is the new face of student governance at UVa.

(Attack of the Clones)

A few words from The Director, Bill Pease (left):

“Welcome students, to the New Order. Join me! In the Marching Band you will travel to far off places, play for screaming fans, and serve your master to your own honor!  All it will cost you is your self-expression and right frontal lobe.

“Students alone cannot run their own band! You know this to be true! Give in to your feelings!  Step in line and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

“Don’t worry about that pitiful rebel band, and their clamor for student governance.  Fear will keep the students in line!  Fear of this $24 million!”

Athletic Director Craig Littlepage

Head Coach Al Groh

Band Director Bill Pease

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