An Eternal Relapse of Pain

As I look and listen around me, most of the world seems to be moving through and past September 11th. Until this morning, I felt as though I was too. What exactly happened when I woke up today is unclear to me. It started by an almost subconscious need. My best attempt to satisfy it was downloading the tribute edition of Live's "I Am Overcome." When I first saw the video I felt it somewhat inappropriate ... MTV for disaster. But I'm now finding cathartic value in the song at least.

The sheer tragedy of it all has continued to hit me in waves. Whether I think of a husband's story about going home to see his wife's empty shoes and not having the heart to put them away, or cell phone calls made by people on board one of the planes, or images of people jumping out of those great buildings, or any number of images and thoughts ... it doesn't take long to stir a very powerful emotional response. The magnitude of sorrow alone is enough to keep the events forever fresh in my mind. Having grown up in New York probably has something to do with it too.

But on a deeper level, I think my gut is uneasy about the paths we're following towards a solution. Let's not forget, we made these people. Osama Bin Laden was once hailed by the Reagan administration as a "freedom fighter." Like spiteful children they have returned to destroy their perceived evil parents. This issue has not even come close to being addressed. Waging a war on terrorism will not provide an adequate long term solution. Each and every attack from September 11th onward poses the threat of supreme tragedy. As time marches on, this threat will simply become more grave. If we do not address the underlying issues, like how the US government ended up creating monsters like Saddam Hussain and Osama Bin Laden, the threat will always remain and the tragedies simply build upon each other.

I must have spent literally hundreds of hours gazing at the NYC skyline. To say that I've never had mixed emotions about it would be a lie. Of course, to an extent it represents the pinnacle of US corporate might. That's not always a good thing. But at the same time, it represents humankind's attempt to reach beyond itself. To think of those great majestic towers now reduced to a gruesome burial ground for THOUSANDS of mothers , fathers, sons, daughters, husbands and wives ... is more than I think I'll ever be able to handle.

So perhaps like some I need to resolve NOT to ever get truly past it ... but instead willingly bear the pain and shock ... doing my part to help ensure those people did not truly die in vain. The world must transform out of this tragedy. We need to put an end once and for all to the age of war, famine, and bigotry. In my mind, this is the only fitting tribute to those who have fallen.